i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
