yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
