that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
