why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
