Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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