woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
