We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
