PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
