i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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