He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
