Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
