He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
