I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
