Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
