taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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