Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
