he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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