Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
