You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
