Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
