doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
