What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
