I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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