proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
