those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
