i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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