I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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