Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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