This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
