We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
