I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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