i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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