I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
