Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
