I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
