If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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