It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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