So drunk its hurt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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