Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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