the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
