is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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