Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
