I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
