Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm really busy with my period
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