Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
