I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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