the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
