Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
