she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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