It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
