and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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