I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We are two peas in an std pod
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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