just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
