Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They have beer where we have blood.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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