You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
