this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize