I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
