GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Welp...herpes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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