Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
