My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
where am i from again
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
