Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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