The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
