I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
