Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
