I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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