remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
