He told me they were just razor bumps!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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