dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
