I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
