you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
