Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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