i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
