i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
