Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
